Jews With Views

Opinions & Rants On The Jewish World

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March 8th, 2011 · 1 Comment

Volunteers wanted in Hawaii

Especially those with experience in searching hospital archives for birth certificates.
Please write to Neil A., Governor’s mansion, Honolulu

 Tonight Show’s Jay Leno cracked, “In a new book, the Pope exonerates the Jews for the death of Jesus. Well, not a moment too soon. He really nipped that one in the bud.”

_Muslim Union cuts benefits for Martyrs
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.  
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after is death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54.

 A  company spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide  bombings have resulted in a shortage of virgins in the  afterlife.
The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote.  General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, “Our members are literally  working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in return, but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth”.  
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West  Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, “I sympathize  with our workers’ concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad  in a competitive marketplace

Thanks to Western depravity,
 there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don’t like cutting benefits, but I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.” 
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are few virgins in their areas anyway.  
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit  packages. 

First drive in his New Corvette

A  senior citizen  drove his brand new Corvette  Convertible  out of the dealership.  Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-10, pushing the pedal even more.  Looking in his  rear view mirror , he saw a  State Trooper  behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.  He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.

Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing?  I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.  Today is Friday.  If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman paused.  Then said”Twenty years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper.  I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper.

Tags: Humor & useless stuff · JEWISH LOVE

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Ben // Mar 8, 2011 at 9:09 am

    hahahahaha..good one

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